Tuesday, May 20, 2008

424 Font Drive

My first deposit to my first home will go down this coming weekend. 424 Font Drive Sounds pleasant, doesn't it?

well...
To me it sounds as scary as monsters
as surreal as a david lynch film
as removed as a used bandaid
as new as tags
and as real as flesh

but most of all, it sounds like adulthood ringing at the door.

I finish the application and I feel like crying. I like the dorms, i like my friends and i'm scared about what's going to happen. I love my life here, why does it all have to change?

Fafsa hasn't gotten back to me my award letter, and I just want to know what is going to happen to me. Where will I go, what will i do, how is this happening so fast? How will I pay for next year if i don't get financial aid.

At this time last year, I was so excited. I was at peace, enthused, a little sad about leaving high school, but I couldn't wait to see where my life would take me.

It led me to 424 Font drive, and I don't think that's what I was expecting or wanted.

How could my life less than a year ago have so much direction, how could I envy a period so much, how could I not foresee my lack of knowledge or my fear of growth?

I'm pregnant with doubt and I have no idea if i'll ever figure it out, I just want to feel like theres never ending possibilities not that the world will end at 20 in 424 Font Drive.

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